My Last Baby

Have I told you I’m having a baby? My last baby. The last time I have to have a barf cup handy in the car. The last time I have to waddle from the bed to the bathroom at two in the morning. The last time I have to hear people comment on my protruding bellybutton, the size of my tummy, or have strangers touch and rub my midsection whether they’ve asked to or not.

My last baby. The last time I’ll get to wear zipperless pants for months straight. The last time I have an excuse to make my husband…son…mother…brother get up and get me something, anything I want. The last time I can freely indulge in seconds, in chocolate, in ice cream without that voice in my head telling me to “use self-control.”

My last baby. The last time I will feel flutters, kicks and punches inside me. The last time I will be responsible for bringing another life into this world. The last time I get nine months to imagine what my child will look like, sound like, and who he will become. The last time I get to be this:

35 weeks pregnant
35 weeks pregnant. 1 more month to go.

With my third pregnancy, just under two years ago, I honestly don’t remember the last month. It was lost in the sorrow of losing my father. I’ll never forget her birth, however, and will always use it to prove how God’s timing is perfect even amongst the darkest of hours. But being pregnant, I feel like I lost that too.

The majority of this pregnancy has been focused on chasing after babies 1, 2, and 3. My husband and I have spent little time preparing for this boy to get here. Now that this little baby is kicking so hard he wakes me up, and that my daughter can’t squish herself back into my lap, and that my four-year-old son is constantly asking why I can’t walk any faster, it is evident that this baby is coming any day he chooses.

I am so very thankful that I have been able to carry four babies. I know many women who long for such an experience. I pray to not wish it away. To enjoy the aches, the pains, the “get this baby out of me” moments. He is my last baby.

When I told my husband I was pregnant with this baby, we both said how exciting it was to finally know our family will be complete. That this baby was the one to do that. Today, though, I can’t fairly judge whether I’m feeling emotional about never being pregnant again for pregnant sake. Or if it’s the realization that this one chapter I’ve been living over the last eight years of my life is coming to a close.

How did you feel during your final pregnancy?

While the ‘stuff’ may not be prepared, I am very anxious to meet this little guy. I’d just like him to stay in there a couple more weeks!

XO- Erica

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8 thoughts on “My Last Baby

  1. Good article Erica! My question is what if you don’t know if it’s your last? Gil is certain it is not and I am fifty fifty….time will tell! But I do want to enjoy every minute. Last or not. Thanks for helping me think more positively about the waddling and night time bathroom breaks!

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    1. Hi Shannon. I hear you. I feel like I would like more because I just love babies and kids and being a mom, but Tony has said four is enough! I think I’m more sorrowful for the selfish reasons… you know b/c babies need their mommies so much. But I am looking forward to being able to say “This is my family” and look ahead to the future. I definitely knew I wasn’t done after three. I don’t have that same sense this time around. So while it’s not super duper clear, it feels right. And it may be more clear when he gets here. Hope you’re feeling well (aside from the waddles.)

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  2. You look SO good, Eek!! You are seriously the skinniest pregnant lady I know. Love you and love following your journey. Wish I didn’t live so “far” away. 😉

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