Today, I’ve decided to be thankful.
Thankful for the mess. Thankful for the tantrums. Thankful for the things on my to-do list.
This morning I woke up to the smiles of two little boys in jammie shirts and superhero underwear. They requested Go-gurts and waffles for breakfast. They sat on the couch, under blankets because, “Mom, you know how I hate to be cold!” and watched Super Why. I looked at them, just sitting there next to each other with no worries about today, no regrets from yesterday, just simply enjoying the moment they are in.
And it hit me, how thankful I am for these two boys. How, even though these past six weeks after the death of my dad have left me in a fog- a surreal world of sorrow, denial, and nostalgia, these two have made me laugh, given me hugs, and kept me off my butt and out of bed.
I miss my dad. I can’t say I’m thankful he’s gone. But I am thankful for the man he was. Thankful for how he loved me. I’m thankful for the lessons he bestowed upon me. I am thankful he was mine.
This part of my life is still raw, still new, and still foggy. But I can’t wallow in it, for it sucks up all the other parts of my life that are clear and sunny.
So even though my house is a mess, I’m thankful to be home. Even though it’s snowing, and cold, and I have a horrible cough, I’m thankful to be warm and for the husband who plowed the driveway before he went to work. I’m thankful for the amount of times I get interrupted because that means I’m needed. I’m thankful that God is patient, and I can feel His presence even though I haven’t had a good conversation with Him in awhile.
Even though my life isn’t perfect, I choose to be thankful. I pray the same for you. That even through the fog, you may have a heart of thankfulness. Because it may as well be the little things that keep our perspectives sunny and clear.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4: 6-8