The words. The music. Instantly, they take me back to that moment. That moment sitting in the front pew surrounded by flowers and faces, hundreds of faces to which i failed to make eye contact. I sat there, seven months pregnant, in a black dress and purple shoes, gripping the hand of my husband. My dad’s shiny casket sitting directly to the left of me. As the words were so beautifully sung, I soaked them in that afternoon.
So I will I will run. Forever I will run. Run to You oh God. Where else can I go? Forever I will run.
So many times I wish I could run to him. Or call him. Or grab a slice for lunch with him. I’m a daddy’s girl. When in doubt, call dad.
I personally hand picked this song, I Will Run by Freddy Rodriguez to be sung at my dad’s Celebration of Life Ceremony. Not just because I love the song, but because it seemed personal as dad was a track coach. He coached me to run. To run fast. To train the right way. To work hard. To believe in myself. I loved to run because of my dad.
Amidst all the planning and arrangements that come when a loved one dies, I remember my mom telling me that after her mother died she couldn’t hear the song “On Eagles Wings” because it was just too painful. I didn’t understand what she meant. Now I do.
This past Sunday, when the choir started to sing this song, I was immediately back in that moment. Tears flooded my eyes and literally ran down my cheeks.
I hear You calling. Come come come.
Being in a hospital is unbearable. Seeing someone you love, touching them but not hearing them, is so incredibly painful. There is also a lot of quiet time. A lot of time sitting in silence. In that silence, man, can you feel the Holy Spirit. During the time, I posted about a dream I had with dad playing golf with Jesus. “Come. Come. Come.” As my church sang those words, I once again pictured Jesus’s hand reaching for my dad’s. “Come.”
I can’t run to my dad anymore. I can’t call him. I can’t meet him for lunch.
I can run to Jesus.
Hindsight is 20/20. $hit happens for a reason. (My dad would have said the latter). Looking back at my life, not all things are pretty or perfect, but I see how they align with where I am today. I am SO thankful I knew God as a child. I am SO thankful I gave my life to Christ after September 11, 2001. I am SO thankful I ran to God before I really knew how much I would need him to hold me like a father.
If you don’t know where you’re running, God is calling. It’s never too late to start… something my dad taught me!
You’ve all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You’re after one that’s gold eternally. 1 Corinthians 9: 24-25 MSG
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